We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
