i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
