Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize