college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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