shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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