i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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