I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Where is the hickey?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
