You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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