I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
