my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wish I only lived at night.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Randomize
