ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize