Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
