I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize