hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
