my mouth tastes like poor choices
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
