She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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