in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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