there's paper in my vomit.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
