Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
