glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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