She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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