How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
