can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
