where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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