I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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