The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
