Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
im having a threesome with these popsicles
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
