There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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