i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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