I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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