I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
