RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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