if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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