she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize