kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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