I want to make a zoo with you.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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