I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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