Your face is a jimmy john
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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