It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
