my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Girls should come with a carfax report
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize