xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
