I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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