Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm so fucking centered right now
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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