Michael Bay diarrhea
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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