I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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