just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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