I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize