Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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