i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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