Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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