i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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