Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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