She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
