i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize