He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize