Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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