why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
