i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
