There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
