her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
