did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
