Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
