I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You pole danced in your parka.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
