i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
