my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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