I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
