Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
