Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
