Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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