Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
