I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
