We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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