That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
