He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
