I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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