allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
