the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize