I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
