So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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