Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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